A Time to Move On

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away. A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 AMP).

When I first heard those words I think it was on a commercial, then I became familiar with the song by Pete Seeger, Turn Turn Turn. I had no idea that he was singing scripture. I think this is one of the most comforting love letters God gives us in the Bible. He is telling us we will feel all these emotions even when we don't want to like hatred. We will mourn, but after a time we will dance. There will be times we will need to hold on to something or someone tight, and there will be times we need to let go even if we do not want to. I am at one of those times in my life. Lately I have suffered from Can't Say No Syndrome and have overloaded my life. It has come to the point where I am spending less time with God and that is just not acceptable.

I have decided I need to wipe the slate clean and re-prioritize even if it means cutting things I love. So, after much prayer I have decided this will be my last article for Single Moms. Writing for Take Root and Write has been one of the most fun and exciting experiences of my life. When I prayed for a way to become useful, God sent me a wonderful visionary Noelle Mena. She gave me this opportunity a little over a year ago, and it has been such a blessing. Lately I just have not had the time to give this column my best, which also is just not acceptable. I still can not wait to meet her in person!

When I prayed for Godly women to come into my life, He sent me the fabulous Shona Neff, who became the editor of this powerhouse magazine you are enjoying today. I have been fortunate to have lunch or dinner with her every now and then when she makes it to town. She truly is a gem and I love keeping in touch with her on Face-book! She always has something nice or funny to say. If you are not her friend yet, I highly recommend it!

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10 NLT). This is such an important commandment. It is so easy to get caught up doing what we think is the right thing or what we think will be a blessing. If we get too busy to hear His voice, how will we truly know? I started a blog last year as well just to connect with other Christian women. I have found so many amazing sites and have learned so much, but that too has gone by the wayside. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have visited my page on Christian Women Take Root! I miss going in there and praying with you all.

If we allow ourselves to get burned out, we are not giving our best to the ones we love the most, God and our family. Yes we may be at all the church events but are we there mentally and emotionally or just physically? Are we too exhausted to be friendly and caring? Are we really fulfilling God's purpose for our lives? Don't lose touch with the director of your steps, who keeps you from falling.

This is especially tricky for single moms who already do the full time parenting of two people. Remember that your kids are your first full time job. You are to train them up and guide them, leading by example. Every minute that you are too busy to spend with them is a minute you will never get back. "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans," John Lennon. If you have let this happen to you, take your life back.

I have been asking God what I need to do and He always tells me the same thing. "Read the word." I scold myself for trying to walk in front of Him, looking back for an occasional "Which way"? Walking beside Him and sometimes letting Him carry you, is really the only way to go! So while I will miss sharing with you all on a bi-weekly basis, I feel this is my time to step back. I hope to still hear from you all, and I will still enjoy reading all you have to share. Who knows, maybe one day I will be able to come back and write for this amazing ministry again. Only God knows His plans for me.

So this was my last article for Take Root and Write...for now.

Gossip

I am almost a week behind posting this. Those of you who subscribe to the amazing digital magazine from Take Root and Write have already seen this ;)

I sometimes wonder if married moms get as wrapped up in their kids lives as some single moms do. Don't get me wrong, ALL moms need to be active participants in their children's lives and know what is going on at all times. ALL moms need to know who the friends are, where they are going, what the grades are, what they read, what they listen to, etc. I just wonder if married moms want to jump in and fix everything as much as single moms to.

My memory is terrible but I can vaguely remember my ex-husband telling me what normal boy behavior was every now and then and just to let some things go. I don't really have a male whose opinion I value, to bounce things off of; so I get more female opinions which almost always mirror my own. Yes, I have a job, and friends, and my own life, but since I don't have a spouse to tend to per say, my kids are next in line right under God. I find myself wanting to fix everything that goes on in their daily lives. Even more so now that the older they get, the bigger their problems have become.

My daughter has always come home with stories of mean girls ever since kindergarten. Being a girl, I could relate and knew exactly what she was talking about. In my school days, those things did not happen until Junior High so I was not really expecting the intensity in elementary school, but I still knew what she was going through. It was easy to tell her to play with other friends, and not to worry who was going to be her friend the next day. Making sure she labeled all her stuff so no one would "mistake" it for theirs was really no big deal. Oh those were the days! Now, the kids are so vindictive!

Now that my son is in high school, also known as the rumor mill, I am hearing things from him too. Yes there were three years in there when he didn't want to talk to me at all let alone share what was going on in his life, but high school is a whole new ball game. Kids deal with so much these days. It just amazes me how eager and willing they are to destroy another persons life, out of misunderstanding, or even just for fun! They seem to take pleasure in it. Even the Christian kids at church jump on the bandwagon! What I am talking about here is gossip, or the sport of spreading rumors.

The thing about gossip, is no one is immune to it, and everyone can participate. You don't have to try out for anything, be talented, or play an instrument. You don't have to be cool or popular. You don't even have to know the person you are talking about. All you need is the desire to participate. The thrill of being in on something, even if you don't know the truth behind it, is a strong temptation for kids.

Even though the Bible warns us about spreading gossip, it's still very easy to get sucked in. "Don't spread gossip and rumors. Don't just stand by when your neighbor's life is in danger" (Leviticus 19:16 MSG). Young people don't necessarily understand the consequences of their words until it is too late. Sometimes the damage rumors can create can not be undone. "It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell (James 3:6 MSG).

Our news is sometimes only unverified gossip. Tabloids make millions on rumors. As a society we buy into it. There is no wonder our children struggle with this. My kids have both been victims of rumors and gossip. I just want to swoop in and make it all better but I can't. I have to arm them with the wisdom and tools to deal with situations as they arise. Sometimes I think it is harder on me when I just want to jump in for them. That is when God equips me with patience and peace so I too can get through the situation without ending up on the six o'clock news.

I thought it was very timely that I just watched a movie called Gossip. I think it is from 2000 or 2001. It stars Kate Hudson. It is not a family friendly movie but it was fascinating. It was all about three college students who decided to start a rumor for an assignment to see how it would grow and change. The end story was not what it started out to be. It was very clear about how quickly lives can be ruined by gossip and lies. Not only can rumors ruin friendships, they can ruin an individual's personal relationship with God. It is easy for us to blame our circumstances, or what's wrong in our lives on God. This is exactly what the enemy wants. And that's no lie.

God Comes First

I am a few days late! If you read my column on the Take Root and Write site, they post every other Friday. Here is my column from 9/11/09.

Our pastor has been teaching a series about things. When we hear the number one commandment, "You shall have no other gods before or besides Me" (Exodus 20:3 AMP) we usually think about things. We think about little gold images, or money. I have never before thought about activities or time. I have learned that anything you love more than God, can become your god. Even people! I never thought about this before. Our families can take the place of God in our lives. We have to be careful not to seat our children on the throne of our hearts where God should be.

This is a tricky one. Most people can say without hesitation they love their children with every fiber of their being. We want what's best for them, and usually always want better for them than we had for ourselves. How do you keep into perspective they are blessings given to us by God, for God, not to replace God? The story of Abraham and Isaac is a worship story to learn so that you can come back to it if you ever start feeling like you love your children above all else.

Abraham was very old when God blessed him with a son Isaac. He started to love his son more than, and place him above God. God saw this and tested Abraham. God said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region or Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I will tell you (Genesis 22:2 AMP). Can you imagine? God knew He was being replaced in Abraham's heart. Abraham had to choose who was on the seat of his heart, God, or his son.

Do we allow our children to skip church, or even make us skip church for any reason? Do they have practice for their team? Are they too tired to go? Do they want to go hang out with friends instead? Are you just trying to keep the peace all the time by giving in to them instead of parenting them? Believe me I know all about wanting to keep the peace in a house with a teenager! You have to ask yourself what price you are willing to pay for that. Is that one argument worth your soul?

In this day and age we are all too busy. We are over scheduled and over worked. Even our kids. I will admit I am one of the parents who put their kids into activities to keep them out of trouble, and sometimes it seems like all it did was keep me from ever being home. However they know church is not something we have to pencil in, it is a given. Just as matter of factually as we can say it is Wednesday, we can say it's church day. Things have to be planned around church.

Playing team sports makes this difficult. I can't tell you how many times we have had to get up to attend the early service just to make a soccer tournament later in the day. Being the last morning person on earth, this is difficult for me. I just know it's something I have got to do. Is it hard? Very, but my rewards in heaven will out weigh any minor inconvenience. I know the world will never change the way it runs things for me, a Christian. After all, that has become a bad word. Yes, I am usually the only one with a problem on Wednesday nights.

God should come before everything. If you have a good church, it should not matter how long it takes you to drive there when you move across town. Don't get caught up in convenience. If you really want to eat at the new restaurant, do you ever talk yourself out of it because it's too far? Do you always find time to watch your favorite show, but are too tired to make mid week service? What lessons are you teaching your kids? God comes first except when...

Teaching kids God comes first should be just like teaching them to read and write their ABC's and 123's. It needs to go hand in hand with everything else you tell them. The enemy is working overtime to tell them different. You don't even have to watch questionable shows now to know that; it's all over the commercials now too! No, we can't save our children. They have to make that decision on their own. It is up to us to guide them and lead by example. Yes there will be days when you are sick. Yes there will be family vacations and emergencies. There just can't be excuses. We can't let our children grow up to think God only comes first when its convenient.

Tantrums

So yes I know I am way behind in my blogging. I am in the process of reorganizing my life so stay tuned. Here is my recent article for the amazing digital magazine Take Root and Write:


Have you ever been in a store and seen a child throwing a tantrum? Have you ever seen one get so out of control over nonsense, and it seems their parents are not going to do a darn thing so you want to go over there and take care of it yourself? I have! I bet you're not surprised I would say that. Manner-less kids drive me nuts! That might not be a very Christian thing to say but it's true.
This last weekend I went to a graduation full of manner-less kids. I know it is a sign of the times but that does not excuse the behavior or make it any better. When I was a kid, if you were at a wedding, funeral, graduation, or even church, and you were being loud, you were taken outside. Period. The adult you were with did not sit there and tell you to be quiet a hundred times. You were taken out, and if you made a scene out the door you were spanked. It was not even necessarily by your own parent either!
This graduation ceremony was an important day for those who were receiving their diplomas. I am sure they wanted to hear their name called when it was their turn to go up. As I sat in the back trying to listen, I observed kids running up an down the isles, screaming, talking, I even saw a few adults talking and carrying on. If it was distracting for me, I can just imagine what the professors trying to talk up there were feeling. I sat there thinking to myself, "I can't believe this! How rude."
And of course I can't really get mad at the kids because they had to learn that behavior was acceptable from somewhere. Someone let the boundaries go when the children were testing the waters. Where did all the discipline go? I know I would never throw a fit in a store when I was little because I did not want to be taken to the bathroom to get spanked. Now I see kids in stores who tell their parents a slew of bad things loud enough for all to hear! It's crazy. What a spoiled generation we have become.
One of our guest pastors told us a story about how his dad took him and all his brothers around their neighborhood and knocked on all the doors. He introduced them to all the people in the neighborhood and told them they were allowed to spank his boys and tell on them if they ever did anything wrong. Talk about accountability! When all adults held authority, kids were more in line. There was none of this "You're not my mom, what are you gonna do about it?"
There is a huge difference between spanking your kids and abusing them. The enemy knows this. He also knows we are suppose to correct our children, to teach them right from wrong. "Withhold not discipline from the child; for if you strike and punish him with the rod, he will not die. You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Sheol" (Proverbs 23:13-14 AMP). It makes sense this would be distorted because the devil does not want well behaved people running around. That would ruin his plans!
I heard somewhere that the new generation was going to be called Generation I; because of things like the I-Pod and I-Phone. I think it is an appropriate name not because of all the gadgets we have, but because of the attitude we have adopted as a society. Generation I because it's all about me. What do I want? What can I get from this? When we made our lives all about ourselves instead of all about Him, the rudeness began.
It takes too much time and effort to think about others. If we stop to do that, what they want or need might interfere with our wants and needs then what do we do? We throw tantrums. I think some adults can even do it better than children can. They've already perfected it. So what can we as parents do about this me-me-me generation? Obviously we have to start at home. Let your kids know every time they are blessed it is because of a past action. The whole "what goes around comes around" scenario. It works!
I think we have lost what's known as common courtesy. In movie previews they now have to tell you to silence your cell phone and not to text during the movie. Shouldn't that already be a given? When did doing mean things like throwing your gum on the ground for someone to step on become fun? How does being annoying make you cool? How do you really feel when the tables are turned on you? Someone needs to be asking our kids these questions. If we don't, no one else will.
The "treat others as you want to be treated" generation can't all be gone yet. We've just been silent for a while. We need to rise up and start turning our kids around. There is still hope for the future. We just each have to do our part. "Use hospitality one to another without grudging" (1 Peter 4:9 NKJV).

God Answers Prayer!

I am terrible. I am. There is no excuse for neglecting my blog. I did not forget about it, just not around a computer when I think of something I want to say.

Anyway yes it has been another two weeks. I am so blessed to be able to write for Take Root And Write! Check it out if you have not. I still think it's so cool the way you just click and the magazine turns the page for you lol! Here is my latest contribution, enjoy!

I will admit something to you all that I am not very proud of. I am not a patient person. I try. I try very hard. Sometimes I think God gave me children to in fact teach me patience. After fourteen years, I do not think I am any closer to being a patient person. The funny thing is, it is through prayer and patience that we are blessed. In this day and age of instant gratification, sometimes that's hard to grasp. "For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise" (Hebrews 10:36 NKJV).

God is however so patient with me. He constantly reminds me I need to be patient. Even recently when I was blessed to see Beth Moore with Shona, her message touched on patience! She talked about Hannah who waited year after year for her child. And He does remind me that patience is faith. You have to have faith that God will answer your prayer. Even if He tells you no, or takes longer than you want Him to, He will answer you. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31 NKJV).

I once even went so far as to look up how many times the word patience is mentioned in the Bible. It is in there thirty three times! And the word long-suffering which means the same thing is in there seventeen. So I don't know about you but when something is mentioned fifty times, I think we should pay attention! Yes the microwave is one of my favorite inventions but in this day and age of instant gratification, I can't be the only one who struggles with this. I am here to say waiting on your prayers to be answered is hard!

Well, today I am going to tell you about my answered prayers. It took three long (and I mean long) years, but finally, my prayers have been answered! You may remember me writing a little bit here and there about my struggles with my teenage son. If not, I will give you a brief little run down on the situation. Let's put it mildly and say once he hit middle school, he morphed into a completely different child! One I was not happy with. His teachers were not happy with him, and I don't think he was even happy with himself! My once honor roll student went to straight failing everything. I will also admit I wanted to smack him more than I wanted to hug him.

His dad was not any help. My guy friends who talked to him were not helping. The counselor the school referred him to see did not help at all. They just wanted to blame all his problems on the divorce. I know that if I did not believe God would help me, I would have given up on him. What a sad thing for a mother to say. I think so many children today have been given up on. And while I use to think it was barbaric for people to give up on their kids I now know how it can happen. I pray for those parents who do not have God in their lives to help raise their children.

Our road to healing and our miracle came when I was finally at the end of my rope with him. I was ready to send him to the D home. One day I went to the youth pastor and told him my son needed counseling. I remember I could not even finish my talk with him without the tears flowing. He said he would agree to meet with him after he had attended three sessions of one eighty. One eighty is our teenage service. Before then he had just been attending regular service with me.

He went to three one eighty teen services and we scheduled his first session with Pastor Matt. He went to two alone before we had a family session. This all started in September 2008. Pastor Matt was moving at the end of October, so we saw him once a week until he left. Even though he has moved, he and Dominic are now My-space friends, and Dominic credits him with bringing him into the kingdom. Before he left, Matt introduced Dominic to the pastors who would be taking over, someone he could talk to, and to the guy who does the teen boys Bible study. At first he wanted nothing to do with them. I am pretty sure I made him go to Bible study the first few months. Now, he wants to live there!

Not only has my son made wonderful friends through the church, so have we. All these people have been such blessings to us in so many ways. Little by little he has gotten more involved in the church and is also now in drama there. AND here's the kicker: the kid who was on the waiting list for the D home, the kid who use to physically fight with me, the kid who "ran away" twice, now wants to be the next youth pastor! Really! He even told the current youth pastor that he was going to take his place one day. They're great friends now so he told my son he would help him with that.

So if anyone ever tells you miracles don't happen anymore, or God does not answer prayer, send them my way. I'd be happy to convince them otherwise!

Truth Shopping

If you are not yet reading the Digital Magazine from Take Root and Write you are missing out! We have made it to 1,000 readers some all the way from China!!

And the Women's Group that goes with it has reached 700 members! Can you imagine putting in a prayer request and having that many women pray for you? Awesome! JOIN!!



Here is my latest column:

This weekend I spent an insane amount of time shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. Everything I liked was black, or was mostly black with a little bit of color in it. I have always been taught though that black is for funerals. You don't want to show up mourning the union of people in love. Unless of course you are in love with one of them but that's a whole other issue.

I went from store to store to store trying on dress after dress but nothing seemed quite right or did not fit my budget no matter how much I liked it. Hours and hurting feet later I finally decided on one. Then I began to see how all of this dress shopping was just like my life as a Christian and as a single mom. I had to find the truth for myself no matter what I had always been taught. I tried out a whole bunch of "truths" even if they did not seem quite right. And as a Christian mom some guys just don't fit no matter how much I like them.

I think I got the idea of the dresses being worldly from my ten year old who came with me. She made me laugh because if a dress showed too much cleavage, she called it a desperate dress. All the ones that seemed to catch my eye were black with just enough bright, beautiful color to make you go... wow! Isn't that how a lot of things in the world are today? They are dark with secrets and sin with just enough light to make you think they're not so bad. Don't get me wrong I am not saying your little black dress is evil. In fact I have one. It is just not appropriate to wear to a wedding just as a swim suit is not appropriate to wear to church.

Black is a staple in the fashion world. Why? Because we have all been told it's slimming right? Sin is a staple in the fallen world because we have all been told, if it makes you happy it's can't be that bad. The world wants us to believe we can all have our own truths. Satan wants us to think we can all let the little sins like lying slide as long as we don't do the big ones like murder. There are many false prophets out there who claim to be telling you the truth. How do you know if they are, or if they are leading the sheep to slaughter? You need to be sure what you are teaching your children is the truth and not something they can find fault with later.

How do you do this? You have to read and study the bible for yourself. Just like I had to try on all those dresses myself and could not just rely on the size on the label to tell me if it would fit. Yes it is time consuming, but it is the only way to guarantee a happy outcome. "Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial) a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth" (2 Timothy 2:15 AMP).

You want your children to know if it can not be found in the scriptures, it's wrong. Just as my daughter learned this weekend, just because it is hanging on the sale rack does not mean it's on sale! Satan may have beautiful things he can dangle in front of us that we may think we can't wait to get our hands on but we always better be watching for that price tag. Sure someone else may be able to afford a more expensive dress than we can here on earth, but have they stored up any treasure in Heaven? I know personally I would rather have my robe in Heaven washed white by the blood of the Lamb than have the prettiest dress at any wedding!

Spending within your budget is also a very important lesson to teach your children even if you're not single. Credit card debt is out of control in the world today. We think we just have to have the latest thing. Will it bring us joy? Maybe. Is Jesus and eternity with Him worth more than anything we could ever buy here? You bet! Not wasting money on things you don't need so your family does not have to go without is a wonderful way to show them how much you love them.

Going shopping every once in a while is fun as long as you know your boundaries. Know your weaknesses. Know where Satan can and will temp you to spend more than you wish. "All of you must keep awake, be cautious and active, and watch and pray, that you may not come into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41 AMP). I am proud to say I did not go in one shoe store for myself this weekend! I kept shoes in mind to make sure the dress I got could go with shoes I already have! Yup, I did good!

Summer Switch

Summer is here again. Long, warm days and staying up way too late because it doesn't get dark until bedtime! I love summer. I hate to be cold. Summer also gives kids vacation from school. That is so unfair that the whole world does not take vacation too don't ya think? Sometimes it is so hard and expensive to keep them entertained! It is summer time that makes me wish I would have become a teacher all those years ago.

For single parents summer sometimes also means sending the kids to the other parent for a part or maybe even all of the summer. Every family situation is different and each custody situation brings about its own joys and hardships. One of my best friends in the world has been fighting with her ex for nine years. He did not want to be a part of his daughters life until she was two and since then, he has not wanted anything more than to make her mother's life miserable. So much so she had to pay an insane amount of money to an attorney for her daughter to attend her own wedding! Sounds crazy right? Sadly this is an all too familiar reality. While it is great he is now in her life, what price is she paying for it?

I am blessed enough to say my ex does not cause these problems for the kids and I. His mentality is if the kids don't want to be with him, they are just going to be miserable while they are there so why make them come? Of course this is also an easy out on his part. That's okay. I love having my kiddos around all the time. Okay, Okay, most of the time! I do make them go up once in a while for grandma's sake. They also need to develop their own relationship with their dad even if it's not the greatest.

I am sure most of us remember the movie The Parent Trap. If you have not seen the original I am sure you have seen a remake. These girls were so desperate to meet the parent they never knew they switched places. At summer camp! Of course that had a fairy tale ending of the parents falling back in love when they come to switch the kids back. Well, I have heard of couples getting remarried after getting divorced! I am sure the kids always have a huge role to play in those situations. They are possible! "With God All things are possible" (Mark 10:27 KJV).

My youngest is with her dad all this week. At first she was okay with going then once she got there she was not too excited to stay. I convinced her she would have fun and she only shed a few tears this year. She is not into camps or things like that because she does not like being forced to do activities she does not like. My son on the other hand has a lot of things going on. Then again he is older. So her days were being spent either at home watching television with her brother or coming to work with me. She needed a change of scenery. So while I miss her, it is a much needed break for both of us.

I spoke to a coworker who remembered having to go to her father's house for the summer. She said it was horrible because she missed her mom so much she just did not want to be there and as you can imagine did not make family life peaceful for the step mom. She said she could remember coming back home and everything seemed so different. I felt so bad for her as I was listening to her talk about it. She hated being cut off from her friends to live a whole new life for three months. I would be so emotional and stressed I can't even imagine what our kids feel like!

Not only does the loss of the two biological parent household put stress on the kids, it can wreak havoc on us adults as well. I know when I send both kids off at the same time I get lonely. If I am not careful I get the urge to go shopping with money I don't have. For other parents I know with spouses, these feelings of anger, or loneliness, can cause fights with the new family. Yet others develop physical conditions from stress such as ulcers. Praying for peace is the only thing I know to do when the situation gets tough. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28 KJV).

Summer is suppose to be a time of peace and relaxation, vacation and fun. No matter how long you have your kids in the summer you can always find time to do something memorable with them. Even if you don't have a lot of money or time, make the most of what you do have. Anything you can do to show them how much you love them is worth its weight in gold.

Happy Birthday TRW!!

Take Root and Write is one this month! I am so excited to be part of such an amazing ministry. I just found out our digital magazine is read in Pakistan, China, Iran, and Indonesia!! How cool is that! I need to way step up my game!

You can get the digital magazine sent directly to your email or you can just go to the site and click on the columns the "old fashioned" way ;)

Fifteen

Happy Monday! Here is my latest column that came out in yesterday's issue of Take Root and Write digital magazine. If you have not signed up to receive it, I encourage you to do so. We have some amazing writers!

So just as I start to get use to having peace as a house guest, another little fear rings the doorbell. I get up from the couch hummin a happy tune and bam! There at my door is 15. Yes, five months early but still staring me in the face with drivers ed in hand. Oh my goodness gracious! I am not upset at 15 like I am at high school for reminding me how old I am getting. I am angry at 15 because it is coming to take my baby out onto the road with a whole bunch of crazy people! Yes I know all those crazy people are on the road with me while he is a passenger but we still have some false sense of control when we are behind the wheel don't we? The purpose of my column this week is selfish indeed. I need words of encouragement from other mothers who have been there, done that, and can guide me through this life passage.

I am so happy about this new graduated license program we now have. I would have hated it as a kid but as a parent I am singin Hallelujah! You can still enroll in drivers education when you are 15, but you can not get your license right away any more like we did when I was 15. You now have a gradual process, which now that I look back makes so much sense. As dumb as we all acted when we were young, okay speaking for myself, as dumb as I acted back then how in the world did they let me loose with a car? Cars can kill people! God had a purpose for all of us that lived. Some of our classmates were not so lucky.

Now you have a permit for six months. This allows you to drive with a driver over the age of 21. You also have to log 50 hours of driving time and a parent signs off on that. I am so beyond grateful his bible study teacher has offered to do that for me. I think it is usually the dad that does this because they are not as emotional as we mothers are. If all goes well in those six months, you then get a provisional license. With this you can only drive between 5 am and midnight. How awesome is that?! I can't tell you how many times I drove after midnight when I was sixteen and as you can guess not doing good things.

Also one of the best things, is you can only have one other person under 21 in the car with you! I can remember a very scary drive where there were two of us sharing the seat belt in the front seat, and five others jammed in the back of my car. To top that off we had a crazy driver behind the wheel on an icy road. He was not thinking he held seven other lives in his hands but how fun it was to swerve at a high speed. God was holding us in His hands that day even if we did not realize it at the time or ask Him to. "He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust" (Psalm 91:4 NKJV).

Even with all these new safety measures put into place, teens are the largest percentage of drivers involved in auto accidents. Now not only do you have to worry about drunk driving you have to worry about text driving. This one is huge. I think even non believers pray when their teenagers hit the road. Isn't that funny, they want God to protect their kids when they have done nothing for Him.

It's hard to remember our children belong to God and He has only let us borrow them. When we are fearful for their safety, we sometimes forget He loves our children way more than we do. His love is so much bigger than ours. God does not want harm to come to our children either. God also does not want to see us suffer because we are His children and He loves us more than we can imagine too. When bad things happen, it is part of a plan we can not even begin to understand because we can not see all the pieces.

There are so many firsts our children experience that can be fearful for parents. When they take their first steps we worry they will hurt their heads. On the first day of school we worry they won't be accepted. We worry about broken bones when we first take off their training wheels. And yet, almost every book in the bible has a "fear not" in it. Fear is one of the greatest tools Satan has. Turning faith into fear is one of his biggest delights. I can't tell you how to overcome your fears when it comes to your children because I work on that every day that I wake up. I ask God to forgive me for not seeing Him there in every step they take. "But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear Not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows" (Luke 12:7 KJV).

So even though I have a while to prepare, I can still bet I will need some Valium when my son starts driving. And in two years I will be looking to purchase an indestructible tank!

Lead the Lost Children

Hello ladies! Here is my column from yesterdays edition of Take Root and Write Digital Magazine:

I have heard it said that Hitler commented that if he could get the children to follow him before they were five, he would have them for the rest of their lives. Even though I believe he said it, I have not been able to find that but I did find this quote from him in an undated letter encouraging children to join the Hitler Youth; "I begin with the young. We older ones are used up but my magnificent youngsters! Are there finer ones anywhere in the world? Look at these men and boys! What material! You and I can make a new world." God knew he would say that. That is why He left us with a specific command. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:16 NKJV).

He called them material. They are like clay you can easily sculpt and mold. If you have ever been around little children you know how true that is! Kids are human sponges! They are born so innocent and trusting and trainable! So why are so many lost? Why are the kids today not being trained in what is right then allowed to make up their own minds when they are older? Where did the mentality get flipped? I hear it all too often that parents don't want to push their religion on their kids so they let them just drift until they are old enough to choose for themselves. WHAT?! Where did that come from?

Small children like to follow. For example they love to play Simon Says. Now how many adults do you know that like to do that? They get great joy in mimicking your every movement and sometimes words. So why as parents are we not asking them to follow us into church? Why don't we have them follow us to worship? Why are we not leading them in praise? Parents are given great responsibility and I believe we will be held accountable for those trusted to us. "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up" (Deuteronomy 6:5-7 NKJV).

We are told to teach them diligently. We are told to talk about the commands all day no matter what we are doing. So again I ask where did the idea to back off and let them find their own way come from? Why would anyone who has even an ounce of common sense, want their children to learn from the world? Sadly I think it is because so many parents today are lost themselves and think the world can do a better job than they can. As Christian parents I think we are called to step in whenever and wherever we can. I think we need to start leading kids to Christ even if they are not our own.

I think Hitler was on to something. He knew if he could gain a child's trust early on, it would be harder for anyone else to sway that child another way. It may be hard to help a child so young unless they are related to you. My son's friends that have it bad at home are already in their teens and think I am a crazy Jesus freak and don't really care what I have to say but they like coming to church for the games before and after service. I tell them as long as they behave during service I will bring them any time they want to come. Yes even if they are going for the wrong reasons, Jesus can touch them while they are there. Plus for some of them it is often a great escape from what is going on at home even if they won't admit it. I am horrified at some of the things my son has told me.

My daughter has a friend who I feel so sorry for. Her mother has more than two children all from different dads and moves them every time she gets a new boyfriend. They move around a lot. Every time I see this mother, she tells me how much God has done for her and how much He looks out for them. I don't think she knows her daughter shares their home life with mine and my daughter in turn shares with me. This little girl loves to go to church with us but her mother won't always let her. She uses the excuse she has no gas to bring her to our house and won't give her daughter directions for me to go pick her up. Since they move so much the little girl has no idea where she lives! In recent months this ten year old has started using inappropriate words and wearing inappropriate clothes as well. Sometimes I too am at a loss for what more I can do. All I know is we can't let the wolves have our lambs without a fight!

R.E.S.P.E.C...?

Your mom can do it. You can do it. Can your child do it? What is it? Define and spell respect. Websters Dictionary defines respect as: v 1. think highly of; 2. show concern for n 1. honor 2. concern. I think in today's world respect is no longer a noun. It is simply how you feel towards a person. People don't even respect places anymore. I have heard of people stealing things from grave sites!

Today's kids will tell you they don't respect anyone who does not respect them. What?! When I was growing up I was taught you respect your elders. ALL of them. It did not matter if you agreed with them or even liked them, or if they were complete strangers! If they were older than me, I was to show them respect. And I wasn't even raised in a Christian home.

Sure, some of the respect given was out of fear. Fear of either what someone else's parents may do to you, or worse, what your parents would do to you if they found out you were disrespectful. I don't ever remember being at a friends home and not respecting their parents. Ever! I knew when I was in their house, they were my acting parents. I expect the same now in my home. I even tell all the kids that come over, when they are with me, I am their mom and they will do what I tell them to. Well, let's just say this is not working out so well for me.

If you have read any of my past columns here, or read my blog, you probably already know my son has a respect issue. So far not with anyone else but me, but he still has one. I have also banned two of his friends from our house. I can't ban my own children but if any of their friends try to pull the "You're not my mom" card with me, they will not win that hand. The Bible says "Honor your father and your mother". It's one of the ten commandments! So how did we get so far away from this? When did it happen? How is it some athletes can gain a child's respect but a self sacrificing parent can not?

Why do we allow athletes and celebrities special treatment? For being talented or pretty? I think my doctor is pretty talented but I've never heard about him on the news. I doubt he can get a table at a nice restaurant without a reservation simply by showing up.

Parenting a teenager is nothing new under the sun, but it is new to me. Lack of respect is not a new phenomenon. The prophet Elisha was shown a lack of respect when a group of young people mocked him. "Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, "Go up you bald-head! Go up you bald-head!" (2 Kings 2:23 NKJV) Not only were they disrespecting authority, but they were mocking God's prophet. They in turn were disrespecting God Himself.

If you keep reading in verse 24, two female bears came out and mauled the youths. I wonder if that's where the term "mama bear" came from. It makes me laugh that it specifically says female bears and not just bears. I growl at the kids like a bear some times but I am not near as intimidating. Now, if this was going on back in Elisha's time, why does it seem more prevalent now? Are we paying more attention? No, I don't think so. I think lack of respect has gotten so out of hand you just can't help but notice.

Let's go back to earning respect. Yes I will agree there are a lot of bad adults out there who should not have our children's respect simply because they have the elder factor. I get that. I think teaching our children how to walk away from bad influences or situations without being rude, is just as important as teaching them how to be respectful. Now I don't quite know where I went wrong in the respect for mother category, but I can say my teen has respect for other people's property. Not so much for his own stuff, but if he borrows something from others he will treat it well.

This brings up another frustrating issue. Why do inanimate objects get respect? Cars, boats, shoes...? Yes I have heard "Respect the Nike's." Are you kidding me? How about "Respect the person who just gave the clerk an arm and a leg to put those Nike's on your feet!" Sorry, am I ranting? It has been a week where lack of respect has been on my brain.

I wonder if single parents get less respect from their children than married parents do. There's a survey I haven't seen done before. Is respect not modeled enough in our society for young people to emulate? We need to respect each other as persons created by God. He told us to love one another. Isn't respect a form of love?

"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another" (Romans 12:10 NKJV).

Choose your team.

So my column almost did not get published this week! My computer did not save my final draft. I had checked it twice on Monday after finishing per an email from the editor about something. It looked great and I was so proud of this one.


Then I get an email from the co editor Wednesday night to tell me it was not finished and would not be published in the weekly magazine. WHAT?! I guess the last time I went in to check I must have done something that erased everything I had done that day. I was so sad. Well our wonderful co editor at Take Root and Write told me to get in there and finish it up and she would still publish it.


Well I did not save my rough draft and had to go in and make it all up again and I was not inspried this time. This time I was just panicked. Lesson learned, I will ALWAYS keep my draft until it is published!


So this is not the original version and I am not as proud of it but it still turned out ok. Thanks Shonda!

Have you ever watched a professional soccer game? Not a kid game but say Brazil or England? They're intense! They are fast, brutal, and unpredictable. The players don't have helmets or pads to protect them. All they have is their training, their skill, and their instinct.

This weekend my son's team suffered a really bad, unfair loss and it got me thinking. Today kids lives can be compared to a soccer game. The team we faced played really dirty. They were taking our kids down from behind, just being really. . .mean. And the ref did not seem to care. We were all left thinking how unfair it was that the team that cheated, won. Some of the parents said " The nice guys finish last again." Then a fellow Christian mom said "Those who are last shall be first." (Matthew 20:16)

In life, there will always be an opponent that wants to beat you. When you become a big enough threat to them, they no only want to beat you but they want to take you out. I have learned the opponent is always there. He is never willing to give up his attack on us. That opponent is Satan. Hopefully every child has a coach to teach them the basics, Jesus, love, kindness, etc. Every child then has a life, a ball, then they must choose which team to play for. Will the basics be enough to defend their morals? No. They need to learn to apply their skills to score (succeed) as they pursue the goal of Heaven.

There will always be fans yelling at them from the sidelines. Teachers, friends, the media... but they won't always be cheering them on. Sometimes they will be trying to persuade them to run the other way. When our kids step out onto the field of life, we can't step onto the field with them. All we can do is pray for protection and watch from the sidelines. It hurts us when we see someone coming after them and hurt them on purpose. We may stand up and yell "FOUL!!" But then we must sit back down and accept what ever happens because we can't go back in time and change it.

At first our little players only go out for a short time. They touch the ball here and there, learning to make passes, making friends, minding their manners as we cheer them on. The older they get, they spend more and more time on the field and less and less time in the safety of our arms. Then one day it happens. Life comes at them too hard and too fast and hits them square in the face! After the tears subside, theirs and ours, it comes time for them to get back in the game. Once our kids have been knocked down by the enemy, our fears want to keep them off the field and safe at home. Reality sets in and we realize we can't, so we put big smiles back on our faces and take our place yet again on the sidelines to cheer them on.

When the teen years come along it seems the opponents come at them faster and faster. Cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, your child starts to sweat and you can feel the pressure on them. Peer pressure then leads to sexual temptations. You can hear the enemy yelling out to your child, "Switch teams and we'll take it easy on you! Just take off your armor!" Your heart pounds as you wonder "What will they do"? Will they stoop to his level to win? Is winning in this life really winning?

It's hard to watch cheaters prosper. It's hard to explain to kids why that happens. And as my kids have told me, it's hard for them to keep their faith and still try to always do the right thing. Doing the wrong thing seems so easy sometimes. And, it's hard for them to watch as their friends seem to give in one by one. "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not" (Galatians 6:9 ASV).

Do our kids listen to us as we're coaching them? Can they hear us? Do they even care to listen except on the occasional water break? Our kids are going to get knocked down out there. Guaranteed. But, unlike soccer games, in life there are no substitutions. We can not send someone in to live our life for us as we sit the bench and catch our breath. As coaches we can go out on the field to pick them back up, dust them off, and encourage them to go on.

Your game plan won't always be perfect. Your whistle won't always work. As long as our children know which team we play for they should be able to pull out a victory and their trophy will shine like no other. "And if it seem evil unto you to serve Jehovah, choose you this day whom ye will serve" (Joshua 24:15 ASV).

Family Friendly

Just because a movie is made by Disney or claims to be family friendly, doesn't mean that it is. Yes Disney is still the number one maker of family films, but they too are starting to push the envelope. My daughter and I just went to go see the new Hannah Montana movie for her birthday. I'll admit I enjoyed it. It has a great message of family, home, growing up, and making the right choice no matter how hard it may be. It was about stepping back and taking a look at your life to realize what's really important. I'm glad I have a child to use as my excuse to see all these movies! In the movie her dad was a big part of bringing her back down to earth even though he is not that big a part in the T.V. show. He pops up every once in a while but not as much as it seems I appear in my own kids lives.

If you watch the shows as much as I do, you will notice there is usually one thing missing from them. Parents. Let me jump over to another kids network, Nickelodeon. They have two very popular shows on right now without parents. Tru Jackson is about a 15 year old girl who is able to rise to the top of a huge company to be a top fashion designer, no college degree required. Then there is I-Carly. Yes she has an older brother who takes care of her but the only parent in the show is the neighbor lady who of course is portrayed as crazy. The Disney shows all have parents and adults who are written to be, well, stupid. Sure I know these shows are suppose to be funny. They are every kids dream to grow up and be able to raise yourself with your own rules. As a parent these shows really have me torn. On one hand, they are pretty much the only things on T.V. without sex or the homosexual lifestyle. On the other hand, I am not too sure I like their underlying message.

Let me tell you about a show called Drake and Josh. If you don't know anything about it, it's a show about a blended family where two teenage boys, one popular, one not so popular, become brothers. I like watching this show. It does make me laugh. And I like the way they always refer to each-other as brothers not step brothers. I don't like the fact the little girl has her parents completely fooled into thinking she is an angel when in fact she is a mastermind troublemaker! I also don't like that Drake maintains a D average yet he is never grounded. Not only is he never grounded but he is a rock star who is able to travel to other states with no parents.

Let me switch gears a minute to the shows that include parents as mindless people who just take up space. There is Disney's show, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. This show is about twin troublemakers who live in a hotel. Not only do these kids usually do what they are told not to, the hotel manager runs around totally helpless. Oh but the best part had got to he the heiress that lives in the penthouse. Her father owns the hotel and leaves her there to live while he travels the world. She is all about her money. It does not matter that she is not smart because she is rich. It does not matter that she does not have true friends because she is rich. And it does not matter how she treats people who are beneath her. What does this say to our children?? "They that trust in their wealth, and boast themselves in the multitude of their riches; none of them can by any means redeem his brother, nor give to God a ransom for him." (Psalm 49:6-7 KVJ)

Teenagers these days don't understand that they can not do what they want to do yet. One of the most recent things that really caught my attention was a new T.V. series called The Secret Life of the American Teenager. It is a show about teenage pregnancy. It does feature a Christian family but it also has a gay couple who want to adopt a baby. Yes, this show is only bringing to light a very real problem but it is also promoting teen sex and homosexuality.

What channel is this on you ask? ABC Family. When I first heard of this channel, I thought "That sounds great!" They call themselves A new kind of family. Say that out loud as you think about it. "A new kind of family." What does that mean to you? To me, it just seems to say, a family with no morals. A family that has adapted to the world, an anything goes family. A family I don't want my family to imitate. "For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous; but the way of the ungodly shall parish. (Psalm 1:6 KJV)


These days we have to work extra hard to make sure what comes into our homes, through the T.V. or the internet, is family friendly.



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Dating in the Fallen World Part III; Nobody's Perfect

So here I am again, column is due and I have yet to begin. "Nobody's perfect." I think. Yeah, I am not perfect. You are not perfect. And neither is any guy here on earth. Even Jesus said he was not perfect. And He said unto them, "Why callest thou me good? There is none good but One, that is God" (Matthew 19:17 NKJV). Even though I think He was perfect I am not going to argue with Him! There is no human on this earth who can be everything I want them to be. There is no man who will complete me. Sorry Jerry McGuire not even you! There is no man who can even come close to making me feel as loved, or for that matter who can love me as much as God does. Once I find a man who knows this like I do, I think I'll be okay.

Sure I'm looking for someone who has some worldly perks like a full time job. Let's face it we need money down here. And you guessed it, a full time job is on the requirement list! However, a guy looking to buy my love need not apply. I want, no, I need a man who knows where my treasure is. I want him to know that even though I will LOVE that HUGE diamond he puts on my finger to show the world he loves me, it will be left behind along with the rest of my earthly possessions.

I want a Boaz in my life. He sacrificed his own interests and earthly good to provide for Ruth. His love for Ruth was not just an overwhelming adoration, it was a decision. A choice of selfless devotion. As parents we know what this is all about. Sometimes, being a parent can feel like one sacrifice after another. We sacrifice our time, our energy, and our money. We choose to do this. These are sacrifices of love. We choose to love our children when they are acting unlovable. Our children test the limits of our love on a frequent basis. When my children got that assignment they thought it said daily not frequently. When our ability to love our kids is stretched to the limits we have to remember the sacrifice of love that was made for us.

Where did that random tangent come from? I was talking about dating wasn't I? I believe love is a choice. Yes it may start with a feeling, or the twinkle of an eye. But when that feeling wears off, we need to choose to continue to love. Love may even start with a need. We may have a void in our lives we need to fill that brings us to Jesus. Then we must choose to love and follow him. He gave us free will. He doesn't make us love him.

I want a husband that chooses to love me everyday. Even on the days when I act less than lovable. I want a husband who chooses to tell me I am beautiful after I have taken my makeup off. I believe the man God has planned for me will choose to love my children as his own even though they are not, just as I will choose to love his. Love is a choice because nobody's perfect. No matter how wonderful a guy seems, or how perfect he looks, I bet he still leaves dirty clothes on the floor!

In the dating world, I find that practicing what you preach when you are in love is also a choice. Many Christan parents tell their children to wait until they are married to have sex but yet have a problem following their own advice. They give many different excuses for this but they are still exactly that, excuses. If you think you are in love, yet the guy wants you to compromise your values, run! Chances are that man was not sent to you from God. "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye abstain from fornication; that each of you know how to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who know not God" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ASV).

I am not sure why I included this. It is a word for someone out there. Do not risk your eternity for fear of losing someone here on earth. Nobody is perfect and we all have fears. Some of us fear abandonment, fear being lonely, or rejection. Please know God will never abandon you, leave you lonely, or reject you. Even when you can not feel or hear him, He is with you. While falling in love is a wonderful feeling, I am sure being in heaven for all eternity with our Lord and Savior has got to be so much better! Even if it seems like it is taking so long to find that diamond in the rough, don't settle. Choose God over prince charming every time. Choose to love yourself. You will always come out ahead!

Dating In The Fallen World Part II; 100 Percent?

I say I am open to dating again, but I am not sure that is 100 percent true. For example, I do not go to any of the singles functions at my church. I think, No! I confess, it is because I still want to pick my future husband. Now, some might think, "That's not really a good idea. I mean look what happened the last time you picked a husband instead of letting God bring you one." They would be absolutely right. If you read my last article, you may remember I told you how I have prayed for God to just put someone in my path. Well, there have been a few really nice guys in my path, but I have chosen to walk by.

I guess I need to be more specific. I have prayed for the one to be put in my path. There are a couple who belong to my church, and as much as I love that, I am not interested in them. This is just another reason I don't attend the singles group at church. It is a lot easier to tell someone you are not interested online than it is in person. Is that bad? That sounds bad. Let me share a quick story.

First, an introduction. A guy from my church expressed some interest in me. I was not interested in him and politely told him I was not looking to date. At the time was true. I told him this very nicely. Even if we were not members of the same church I would have been nice but looking back now I may have been a little more direct had we met under different circumstances. Well, at a recent church event, mind you, the very day after I told you all I wanted God to put a man in my path.....boom. We arrived just as this same guy was getting out of his car. He waited for me and my kids to get out. I was thinking, God, I know this is just a pure coincidence and you are not putting him in my path. Right!?? So, we got out and walk in with him. He made small talk with me and my kids and we then we went our separate ways. He really is nice. I just don't feel anything. "Coincidence. Coincidence. Coincidence."

I just keep telling myself God knows what I am looking for. The man He has for me will at least resemble what I am looking for. Right? Then I go into a tailspin of guilty thoughts. Am I being too superficial? Is it wrong to dream of my future husband being the best looking guy in the whole world? Even if it is only my opinion. Is God angry with me for having these thoughts? Or worse, have I rejected the one He put in my path? Have I missed the boat? Should I just give up and become a nun? Can I even do that? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).

How do you correctly repent for messing up God's plans? Or how do you even know? What if I haven't messed anything up at all and I still have yet to meet Mr. Right? Then I have those days when I think God is the only one who will think I am beautiful in this stage of my life. The metabolism is slowing down a bit, the chin is starting to double, and I am starting to get the family shape simply because I am too exhausted to do anything about it. Yes, I admit I throw myself a pity party every once in a while.

My kids want me to date. Or at least that's the vibe I get. They want me to be happy. And yet they want to drive me crazy at the same time. More often than not I think I can't possible bring a guy into this especially if he has kids... He'll run away screaming. Oh yes, did I mention that's another requirement? "Must have children." This is because my baby factory is closed. Out of business. Sorry, but it is. I don't think He was talking to me when God said "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28 KJV). I know it seems selfish, but I just really do not want to start all over again. My son starts high school this year. I can't even imagine having another baby in the house.

I have to believe God laughs at my requirement list. Everyone else does. He has to think "No wonder you trust your dating life to me. Who else could perform such a miracle?" I never wonder why I am still single. Some days I mind, others I don't. Some days I can't wait to be married again. Other days I wonder if that is what I really want. With all the other things I have on my plate, praying for a husband is not something I do daily. In fact, hardly ever. I pray more for my kids salvation and my sanity than for Mr. Right. I wonder if that means I am not ready for him. Really ready. Am I 100 percent ready to give my heart away again. Hmmm.

Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21 AMP)

Dating In the Fallen World Part 1; The Bachelor

Wow here we are again and another two weeks has gone by! I just can't believe it! Many exciting new things are happening at Take Root and Write! The new digital magazine has been launched. It is the coolest thing ever! You can flip the pages just like a real magazine. Very cool!





I have been wanting to take my column in the direction of dating for a while now. I have decided against it a few times, but the recent episode of The Bachelor got me going. I don't know why I watch the show but I do. I watch the very first episode then I quit until they start doing the hometown dates. (The commercials always let you know when those are coming up.) I think the appeal of the show is the fact that everyone wants to love and be loved. Even though only one couple out of many has gotten married out of it, we still watch. Kind of like a train wreck... you can't look away from. You want to see who is left standing and gets to walk away hand in hand. Who does not like to fantasize about dream dates and exotic places like New Zealand?!

Being a Christian, I am not happy with the fantasy suite option. Personally I could not date a guy when I knew he was dating several other women as well. However, this is a worldly show made to be sexual so what am I really expecting here? During the season finale Jason really upset me. I watched him last season on The Bachelorette and I thought he was a good guy. Then he went and proposed to one of the women and then changed his mind! At first I was shocked he would do such a thing. Then I was even more shocked the women he sent home took him back! But, I thought about it for a while. I let a few hours go by. And yes, I watched the next night when some of the other women from the show gave their opinions and they talked to Jason and Molly. I started to change my opinion.

Yes, what Jason did was wrong on so many levels.Yes, they all put themselves in the potentially heartbreaking situation in the first place. But...does he deserve to be called the most hated man in America? Probably not. He claims he had to follow his heart and do the right thing. True, it was better for him to let the woman he chose know now he was thinking about the other woman instead of waiting until after they were married. Was going on the show the right thing to do in the first place? And what does the Bible tell us about following our hearts? "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV).


Dating is so different today than it was last time I dated. Granted that was back in high school and everyone around you was single so it was easy to meet someone. Now people go on-line and do other crazy things. The last time I was in the dating world I was not a Christian. I would have thought The Bachelor would have been an awesome show to be on. I had nothing on my requirement list except "Must be attractive." Now I could wallpaper my bathroom with the list. Well, maybe just one wall. At the top of my list is, "Must be a true follower of Jesus Christ." That alone eliminates over half of the single male population. And if I ever find one, will he be willing to convert to my church? Hmm, I wonder?

I saw a study today that said 15% of Americans now claim they have no religion and that is almost double from 1990. I can attest to that after going on a couple of dates and meeting single men. At first this was discouraging and I stopped dating. Lately though my children have been pushing me in that direction. I am not sure if they think I am getting lonely or if they are just ready to have a male figure around. No pressure, right? I do think I am finally open to the idea again. We all want our Cinderella moment right? However, I have prayed that God would just "poof" put the man He has for me in my path. That is kind of my excuse for not trying too hard to find him myself. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it an excuse. I truly believe He will do it. I just don't know if He wants me to tread on a few extra paths during the day so that I will stumble upon him. "And the Lord God said 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.'" (Genesis 2:18 KJV). The Lord knows I need a helper!

Join me on March 27th as I talk more about Christian single moms navigating the dating waters in the fallen world.

The Age of Accountability

My children and I talk often about living your life for God. Everyone has pretty much heard "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).
Though most of us can say we know some adults who were raised in the church and once they became adults, turned away never to go back. I am trying to convince my kids that is the exception not the rule. We frequently talk about being ready when Jesus returns and this, of course, has taken our conversations to, "How old are you when you are no longer considered an innocent child?" This may have been a sneaky way of asking how long they can get away with doing things they know are not right. I have heard many of Christians say twelve-years old and I always wanted to know where they got that number, so I thought I would look into it.
I found that this belief probably came from the fact that Jewish boys have their bar-mitzvah at thirteen and since Jesus was a Jew he must have done this too. However, this tradition only dates back to the middle ages so He may not have participated in any such ceremony. Luke 2:42 indicates he went to a feast when he was twelve-years old, but it is unknown if there was a ceremony to declare him as an adult.

To be a Christian requires faith and a conscious desire to follow God. When are they old enough to make that decision on their own? The Bible gives no specific age and I think it varies from child to child. A person is accountable for their salvation when they understand what sin is, that they have sinned, and that they need to seek forgiveness from Jesus. I think most children are able to grasp this between the ages of nine and thirteen.
I am trying hard to teach my children to live life for God every day that they wake up so that we are always pleasing to Him. Even on the days when they don't feel like it and peer pressure rears its ugly head. Yes, even on the days when I don't feel like it either.

Even This?

Focus. Persevere! Yes you can! This is what God has been telling me lately but I am not too sure I believe I can. I am in the middle of a very large valley right now and it seems like I have been walking forever to get to the other side so I can start climbing up and out. Well I hope I am closer to the end than to the middle. "I am tired. I am ready to quit. I want out!" This is what my heart has been crying out to God. I don't know what I am suppose to learn from this. I don't remember sowing seeds this bad to be reaping this!
I have a teenage son at home that really misses and needs his dad. All of his problems are my fault. I am the target to which all this anger is thrown. I understand he is in pain. I understand he feels I will still love him no matter what he throws my way so he feels safe taking everything out on me. Just because I understand all this does not make it any easier. I am physically and emotionally drained.
Last Wednesday night at church we had a guest speaker Pastor Gerald Brooks, who of course was talking just to me. In a room full of people he preached just to me. He said "This is to those who have said "I can't handle it anymore!" He reminded us God will teach us how to have joy in our "I can't" moments.
"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" (Philippians 4:11 ESV).
He will show you that He is your strength. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).

So I am sitting there listening, feeling bad for complaining when I know some parents who would trade their problems for mine in a heartbeat...but still. I have prayed. I have done everything I can think of to do, and still no resolution. I am still in the eye of the storm watching all the pieces of our lives swirl around me. I can feel God there watching me, but I can't quite understand what I can do that I have not already tried to get myself out. I feel like Helen Hunt in the movie Twister when she said it felt like the storm skipped this house and that house and came after her. I know all these families who don't follow God and they have great kids! How does that work?
I must say though that God has placed wonderful friends in my life who pray for me and listen when I need them. They encourage and support me. The writers here encourage and inspire me. It lifts my heart to read praise reports and how many wonderful women of God have walked through their own valley and with God's help find the light at the end. I want you all to know how much I appreciate you. When I begin to doubt I can do all things through Christ, when I ask "Even this?", God tells me yes. When I need to be reminded I come here. Thank you all for being blessings in my life.

You can read my column on the 2nd and 4th Friday of every month at Take Root and Write.

Focus

So funny that my lack of focus is why I forgot to post this on Friday!


Focus. Finish. Focus! Today's column was very hard for me to write. I am in awe of the wonderful writers here at Take Root and Write who are able to post months of their column in advance. These women are such an inspiration. I, on the other hand, am not one of those women. I never know what I am going to write about beforehand. I usually just sit down, pray, and ask God to use me to convey what He wants to say. Then, I put pen to paper. This week, I was not able to focus long enough to hear what God wanted to tell me. This week was a paragraph here, a few sentences there; lots of starts but nothing finished. Lots of ideas, great things to say, but no focus to finish any of them. I have been so absent minded lately. My mind has even started to wander during my prayer time. It doesn't seem like I can finish praying for more than one person at a time! God has been pointing it out every chance he gets too."Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10 KJV). I hear him. I really do. I put be still on my to do list once again. Even though it is already there, maybe subconsciously I think I will eventually get to it if it keeps popping up. My mind has so many projects it wants to start, so many things it wants to read, so many places it wants to see, and just...so...many...things!

"Be still. Focus. Listen to my voice." My eyes may be closed but concentrating...I am not! I know God is peace. I know He is my rest. And, I know where he is! So why does it seem I keep going in the opposite direction? My internal global positioning system (GPS) must be on the fritz!



For some reason this brings to mind images of a toddler pulling a toy from the toy box only to play with it for only a few minutes before being drawn back to pull out yet another one; again and again until all the toys are scattered in one big overwhelming pile. All heaped together, they just look like a complicated mess and none of them seem as exciting or fulfilling as they once did. Sometimes I feel like a little kid sitting in the middle of all my stuff. Not sure what I want or even what I need to keep. I can hear my Father calling me in the background to come to Him. I start to get up, then one of my things distracts me. My job, my kids, my friends, my kids activities. You know what I'm talking about, that life I keep complaining that I don't have. It seems I have gotten caught up in listening to so many other things that I can no longer hear His small still voice.

My Father must be so frustrated with me right now. Just as I get frustrated with my son over his grades or my daughter over her room. How much more important is eternity? How much more do I need to focus on Him, His word, and His plan for our futures? So much more than I do on such temporary, fleeting things! Taking care of our families is the most important responsibility we have. Being concerned where our loved ones will spend eternity is true caring. Yes, all those fleeting things that make up our daily lives need to be taken care of, but they should not take our focus away from God. We will have Him forever; our things we will not. We can not allow the enemy to steal our focus. We know he comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly" (John 10:10 KJV).

It is so easy for the dark one to come and steal our focus if we are distracted. This can kill our faith and destroy our future. It only takes a second. Just as it only takes a second for a child to disappear, it only takes one distraction to lead to another. One thing you just "gotta" do is pray. Let's encourage each other to focus on Him today. Finish the journey with Him and for Him. No matter how many post it notes you have on your fridge or computer, make time to focus on The Father.