I say I am open to dating again, but I am not sure that is 100 percent true. For example, I do not go to any of the singles functions at my church. I think, No! I confess, it is because I still want to pick my future husband. Now, some might think, "That's not really a good idea. I mean look what happened the last time you picked a husband instead of letting God bring you one." They would be absolutely right. If you read my last article, you may remember I told you how I have prayed for God to just put someone in my path. Well, there have been a few really nice guys in my path, but I have chosen to walk by.
I guess I need to be more specific. I have prayed for the one to be put in my path. There are a couple who belong to my church, and as much as I love that, I am not interested in them. This is just another reason I don't attend the singles group at church. It is a lot easier to tell someone you are not interested online than it is in person. Is that bad? That sounds bad. Let me share a quick story.
First, an introduction. A guy from my church expressed some interest in me. I was not interested in him and politely told him I was not looking to date. At the time was true. I told him this very nicely. Even if we were not members of the same church I would have been nice but looking back now I may have been a little more direct had we met under different circumstances. Well, at a recent church event, mind you, the very day after I told you all I wanted God to put a man in my path.....boom. We arrived just as this same guy was getting out of his car. He waited for me and my kids to get out. I was thinking, God, I know this is just a pure coincidence and you are not putting him in my path. Right!?? So, we got out and walk in with him. He made small talk with me and my kids and we then we went our separate ways. He really is nice. I just don't feel anything. "Coincidence. Coincidence. Coincidence."
I just keep telling myself God knows what I am looking for. The man He has for me will at least resemble what I am looking for. Right? Then I go into a tailspin of guilty thoughts. Am I being too superficial? Is it wrong to dream of my future husband being the best looking guy in the whole world? Even if it is only my opinion. Is God angry with me for having these thoughts? Or worse, have I rejected the one He put in my path? Have I missed the boat? Should I just give up and become a nun? Can I even do that? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).
How do you correctly repent for messing up God's plans? Or how do you even know? What if I haven't messed anything up at all and I still have yet to meet Mr. Right? Then I have those days when I think God is the only one who will think I am beautiful in this stage of my life. The metabolism is slowing down a bit, the chin is starting to double, and I am starting to get the family shape simply because I am too exhausted to do anything about it. Yes, I admit I throw myself a pity party every once in a while.
My kids want me to date. Or at least that's the vibe I get. They want me to be happy. And yet they want to drive me crazy at the same time. More often than not I think I can't possible bring a guy into this especially if he has kids... He'll run away screaming. Oh yes, did I mention that's another requirement? "Must have children." This is because my baby factory is closed. Out of business. Sorry, but it is. I don't think He was talking to me when God said "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28 KJV). I know it seems selfish, but I just really do not want to start all over again. My son starts high school this year. I can't even imagine having another baby in the house.
I have to believe God laughs at my requirement list. Everyone else does. He has to think "No wonder you trust your dating life to me. Who else could perform such a miracle?" I never wonder why I am still single. Some days I mind, others I don't. Some days I can't wait to be married again. Other days I wonder if that is what I really want. With all the other things I have on my plate, praying for a husband is not something I do daily. In fact, hardly ever. I pray more for my kids salvation and my sanity than for Mr. Right. I wonder if that means I am not ready for him. Really ready. Am I 100 percent ready to give my heart away again. Hmmm.
Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21 AMP)